Hello! *waves energetically*
Goodness. It seems like a long time indeed since I’ve sat down to write a blog post about nothing in particular – just life. I know I shared a poem not too long ago, and also what spring means to the Ilimoskus yesterday, but they only took a second to do because it was mostly copy-and-paste. It hasn’t been that long really, it just feels like it. Or has it been a while? I don’t even know. Time has blurred for me these days. One indistinguishable haze.
Anyway, I am having a very active weekend blog-wise. Two days in a row, good heavens! Though, I will be running away again after this post, but will be back on 2nd April. Why? You shall have to wait and see.
But let us focus on the here and now. I’m just going to update you all on some things. Don’t you think it’s funny how life can sometimes seem to hand you something so wonderfully fated, but then decides to go, “HAHA, not really!” and then gives you a charming punch to the gut? That’s totally happened to me recently. I shall explain…
…It all started about a week and a half ago…
Regular readers of my blog might remember that I wasn’t desperately happy not too long ago. I felt so lost and confused and lonely because I’d recently moved away from everything and everyone I knew and blah blah etc etc. Anyway, I was getting really angsty about my life and how I seemed to be so forever aimless. I still feel aimless, truth be told, but nothing like before. Well, I won’t go into boring details, but to cut a long story short I basically got a new job. Good news, right? This was the wonderfully fated bit, ’cause I still don’t understand how on earth this happened, but there we go. So, what is this job? A teaching assistant in a first school. With children, aged 4-9. In a school. With children. Did I already say that? Sorry.
I find myself, even now, questioning what I’m doing. Why am I working with children? I thought I didn’t like children. I have forever said “I dislike children, I am never having children, ugh children.” I have also said so many times that I am never going back to an educational environment. Ever. Well, that worked out didn’t it.
The ‘interview’ (if you can even call it that) was… interesting… shall we say? The most informal interview in the history of interviews. I was sprint-walking (is there such a thing? There is now) across the school playground to keep up with the headteacher, and then we went into a classroom and ended up speaking with her in the middle of the room with noisy reception children (4-5 year olds) charging about doing their thing. And then I was just thrown into it. I kind of wish I was joking.
So yeah, I started on the Monday. Now, here is where life punched me in the gut. On the Tuesday, my knee decided to just… pop. And now I am a crippled old lady hobbling around the place in tremendous amounts of pain. I mean seriously life. Why let me sort things out with a job and then bring me down on the SECOND DAY. *sigh* I’ve been drugging myself up on pain killers, and also been wearing a knee support, but still I am in such pain throughout the day, and by the time I get home, I am nearly in tears. It’s so bad. I don’t even know how I make it through the day, quite frankly. But somehow I do. It is not ideal when working with children, constantly being on your feet or kneeling on the floor, but I’m not letting my knee ruin things, the stupid thing. Needless to say, a trip to the doctors is on the table…
But besides the knee, things have been going okay. Although I’ve lost my voice this weekend, which again is not ideal. I guess it’s a good thing I don’t talk much. I’m still not sure what to think or how to feel about his job, though. Considering my alleged dislike for children and educational environments, I find working there rewarding indeed. I do feel strange there, though, but I think that’s just me. I feel unsettled and restless whatever I do and wherever I am.
So, shall I share some work stories with you?
Yes, I shall.
I’m not the most sociable person in the world… I’m quite quiet and shy initially, for it takes me a long time to come out of my shell; with the children it’s different, but when it comes to break and lunch and I’m sitting in the busy staff room, my usual seclusion returns to me. But that’s fine. I’m happy to simply sit and listen to all around me. I like quietly observing the world. I usually have my nose stuck in a book anyway, minding my own business. I barely know anyone’s names yet, and it’s been over a week, because I don’t talk to people (how I get anywhere in life is beyond me). But, one day, in my sitting and listening, the only male teacher in the school (it’s always the way, isn’t it? There are hardly any male first/primary school teachers) came into the staff room and, unsurprisingly, started talking – like a normal, sociable human being – to other people.
There is a YouTuber called ‘charlieissocoollike’; he himself is not important right now – his voice is. He has a very distinctive voice. This only male teacher in the school, called Mr. Catley, sounds JUST LIKE HIM. Now, for anyone who doesn’t know who ‘charlieissocoollike’ is, this will mean nothing to you, so, I am sharing a video with you. Just listen to his voice.
(This video is for all fellow Britons out there)
A pretty distinctive voice, right? I really, really don’t know why, but I find the fact Mr. Catley sounds just like this YouTuber so amusing. Thinking about it now, I’m not laughing, because it’s not funny, but when I actually hear him speak, I cannot tell you how much I have to restrain my laughter. WHY DO I FIND IT SO FUNNY?! It’s awful, because it’s not funny. There is nothing funny about the voice, so I just do not understand what comes over me. I seriously end up hiding my face with my book and discreetly sniggering into it, pulling all manner of ridiculous facial expressions to hide the fact I’m smiling. I’m sure you know those faces you pull when you’re trying not to laugh. Awful. Mr. Catley is one of the few members of staff I’ve actually spoken to as well – only very briefly, but I’ve spoken to him nonetheless. It was about reading, funnily enough, because he saw me with my nose in a book and asked about it. It was a dire situation I found myself in. Maybe, if I was lucky, I just came across overly smiley to him… That was also the first time I properly saw his face. You know some people have such bright blue eyes that it’s genuinely like a slap in the face when you see them? Yeah, this Mr. Catley has those kind of eyes. I’ll admit, that did help somewhat with me restraining my laughter, for I was so distracted and taken aback after being slapped. As anyone would be, right?
This Mr. Catley seems to be quite a character, mind you. You always know when he’s in the room. Maybe that’s just because he’s the only man, but even so. I feel quite sorry for him, actually – being so horribly outnumbered by women must be a bit disconcerting sometimes. On Friday it was Sports Relief, and a few days before they were discussing in the staff room that we were to dress in sporty clothing; the other women were saying (laughing) how Mr. Catley should wear a dancing leotard. Poor man. But anyway, you always know when he’s around. For example, during class I was in the outside section patrolling the area (as usual), and from there you can easily see the staff room. There are two ways to get into the staff room: one door has steps to it, and the other door has a long ramp. At the bottom of this ramp there’s a wooden bench (if you’re wondering why there’s a wooden bench at the bottom of the ramp, it’s because there is this child in the school who has bad social/learning difficulties and he spends a large proportion of his time running away, and he often runs up the ramp and into the staff room, so the bench is there to deter him from doing that). But on this day, I saw Mr. Catley run into the staff room – clearly on a mission – via the step door, and then after a little while, he came running down the ramp and leapt over the bench – like a serious leap, I haven’t seen someone jump like that in a long time. It’s a big bench as well, and he sailed over it. He was like a gazelle for goodness sake, or an Olympic hurdler. I mean, what was so urgent that he needed to be a gazelle? Either way, it was quite impressive, for I could not help but think if that were me, I would have just charged straight into the bench like an elephant, and then fallen over and basically just killed myself. Especially with my cripple knee at the moment.
^ That is actual footage of Mr. Gazelle-Catley
I really hope Mr. Catley never reads this, or else that would be slightly awkward. But yes, besides gazelle members of staff with slapping eyes, I don’t really have any other stories to tell. I suppose I could say that the children insist on calling me MRS. Marsh, despite having been corrected by myself and other members of staff about a thousand times. Do I look married to them? I am not married. I’ve given up, quite frankly, and so I just accept the fact that I am now, apparently, a married woman – Mrs. Marsh-Mouse, isn’t that right, Steven! 😉 (if anyone’s wondering, I’m married to Mickey Mouse. Minnie isn’t too pleased with me) You know, this isn’t the first time I’ve been called Mrs. Marsh before: when I lived in Salisbury, my hairdressers thought I was married… On my receipts or appointment slip things, it ALWAYS said Mrs. Marsh. I was like… ?? When have I ever called myself Mrs. Marsh?! And then another time, I answered the door to someone and they kept calling me Mrs. WHAT IS THIS.
I think I’ve rambled on enough. So there we go, you are now up to date with my life. Please contain yourselves, I know it is terribly exciting. With regards to writing Ilimoskus, that’s not going very well at the moment. And you know what? That’s okay. I used to put myself under such pressure; ‘I need to get this done NOW oh my goodness I’m the worst person ever if I don’t write one day WHAT AM I!’ – that kind of thing, constantly. But then, not too long ago, I just went… It doesn’t matter. If I force my story, I’m never going to be happy with it, and I’ve finally realised that just because I don’t write often these days, that doesn’t mean I’ve given up on the story. I’m never going to give up on it, and I know that deep down. I may be fifty by the time I finish it, but I will finish it. And that’s all that matters. And so, when I see my notes and sprawly handwriting staring at me on my desk, I poignantly smile and think, ‘I’m coming back to you, don’t worry.’ Always on my mind, always in my heart, but it will come out when the time is right.
Sometimes life can be a bit of a bastard, let’s be honest. Sometimes it can seem to be going very well, and then all of a sudden, BAM! Not so great. In such instances, you could quite easily break down and give up. But no no. We do not give up. So what you do is laugh, and smile, and think ‘Well, that was a bit sucky, but I’ll just laugh it off.’ Some days when I’m at standing around at work and I feel that I would rather chop my leg off than deal with this knee pain, I think back to Mr. Gazelle leaping over the bench and I smile to myself. It’s such a simple thing, really, but it’s enough, for it then reminds me that I smile more at work than not. Surely the discomfort is worth it. And why shouldn’t he have leapt over the bench? He can, so why not! And when I’m stuck doing something I hate and I think about how I’d rather be writing my story, I daydream about my world and remember that just because I’m not writing about it, that doesn’t mean it’s not with me, and that it will come in time. There is no rush. The Ilimoskus are peaceful, and so the greatest justice I can do myself – and them – is be peaceful about their story.
So, if life punches you, find something to smile and laugh about. There is always so much around – you won’t have to look far.
Have a great week ahead of you, everyone!
And remember: laugh and smile your way through life 🙂
Gu’cuqeqa! As the Ilimoskus would say:
until we meet again, my friends